The Drive to Make the Dumbest Smartphone

You’ve probably heard the old joke or some variation by now: “If cars were more like computers we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal, but for no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.”

Well, if your car was more like a smart phone:

  • It would do absolutely everything faster except its primary purpose: driving. That would be exactly the same – maybe a little worse.
  • All tolls on the road would go up and you’d be limited in how much you can drive in a given month.
  • It would have really sleek lines and a polished look that you would never get to see because you needed to cover it up at all times to avoid constant scratches, dents, and smudges from normal use.
  • It would only work on certain types of roads and only in your own country unless you’d wanted to swap out all the tires.
  • It would come with dozens of accessories you don’t want or need, but would be missing key features like a radio or air conditioning. But don’t worry, you can add these on later for an extra fee.
  • If it ever broke you couldn’t get it repaired or replace a part, the dealer would just swap it with an identical car.
  • The manufacturers would be competing with each other about who has the largest number of aftermarket add-ons, but if you install them anywhere by the dealership you void your warranty.
  • The interior would be many times smaller than your old car, but the windshield is five times larger.
  • It’s so simple to use. The manufacture didn’t want you to have to worry about little things like seat position, cup holders, window visors, or leg room so they made it one size fits all.
  • It will easily replace all your other modes of transportation unless you need to leave the road and then you have to get out.
  • You would have to fill up the tank at least once a day.
  • From the outside your car looks exactly like every other car on the road.
  • All the car manufacturers would be suing each other claiming they have exclusive rights to features like: “turning right”, “parking”, and “lockable doors”.
  • Even though you car works perfectly well for how you drive you’ll get a new one every couple of years when your lease runs out because the new one has a slightly better dashboard layout. (more…)

The Friday Wrap Up: August 5

A weekly wrap up of some relevant news of late, or otherwise interesting articles we think are worthy of passing on to you. So sit back, catch up on some news and enjoy your Friday.

Hackers Steal a Subaru via Text Message: Texting while driving has certainly gotten some press in the recent year, but what about texting to drive? These hackers just broke into, started and then drove off via text message. LoL that.

LinkedIn Now Adding Two New Members Every Second: In Q2 alone, LinkedIn added 14 million members, after passing the 100 million mark earlier this year. Mobile page views are up 400% from last year, and now has more unique monthly visitors than MySpace and Twitter.

Pentagon’s Lightning Gun Sold for Scraps on Ebay: Every good super weapon must come to an end. And oddly enough, the scraps of this death ray gun were snatched up by a buyer planning on using the weapons scrap as an art project for Burning Man. Of course.

Open Platform Doesn’t Mean What You Think it Means: A recent study found that out of eight open source mobile platforms, Android ranks at the bottom in terms of openness.

Excel Nerds Unite! New Excel World Champion Has Been Crowned – the Who knew that competitive spreadsheet construction was even a thing, but this kid is proudly hanging his “Excel World Champion” plaque above the mantle.

Browser War II – The Desktop Front

The Internet, April 14 – During this lull in the flighting our brave corespondents, from battlefields around the world, take a moment to collect their notes on the conflict, its combatants, and its origins. In the first part of this series, we examine the battle for the Desktop Browser, a conflict that perhaps has seen more brutal fighting in this war and in wars of the past than any other in the history of the digital world. As journalists it is not our place to promote any particular side of this struggle over any other, although as patriots we surely do have such bias. We have attempted here to keep such feelings from expression.

Browser War II

Jeopardy Categories That Would Stump Watson

Like a lot of people I watched the IBM supercomputer Watson clobber a couple big-name Jeopardy champs a few weeks ago and I was quite impressed. The computer was able to use it impressive analytical engine to correctly guess the answers to dozens of questions. Sure, there were a few notable missteps, but they weren’t nearly enough to prevent Watson from laying down a silicon smack-down on to his human opponents. However, after the contest was over I got to thinking, things could very well have gone the other way if only the categories had been a little bit different. (more…)

Frosty’s Christmas Trees and Cheer

Frosty wrapped his thick gloved hands around the steaming mug of cocoa. Bringing it to his lips he blew softly across the rim, his chill breath puffing up drifts of steam. Lounging in his office chair inside the warm trailer that served as his office, he reviewed the past days sales figures displayed on the screen of his laptop. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. Wow, his new elf sales team broke the lot’s all time sales record for a single night. No, they didn’t just break it, they shattered it. Frosty started to smile, then froze . . . wait, did they sell too much? Brining up the inventory screen confirmed his fears, the lot was half empty and the weekend rush was only a few hours away. (more…)